Get A Grip

Never say never they say, but there is a kind of never I can boldly say. I have never seen a human that is immune to getting angry. Never. I have been young, but now I am old. I have met and interacted with so many people. Those whose language I speak, and those whose accents I struggle to grasp. Anger is something the human mind has never been able to totally get rid of. We may try but it is always there.

When we get angry, it is not as if we love to be angry. It is not as if we get off from the intensity of the emotions. It is not as if there is a special kind of high that comes with it. It just comes and sometimes we are helpless when it shows up.

Anger is a very strong but often unhelpful emotion. When uncontrolled, it can be seriously detrimental to human relations and general health. It can come from different sources, for different reasons and is often expressed in different ways. There are people who are very easy to tip over. They get angry most of the time and for the flimsiest of reasons...and they often go on and on (borderline nag) about it. Others get angry less often, but when they come to it, it comes out as explosive and uncontrollable bouts of fury. The cause of the anger and the expression of it are sometimes disproportionate. But one thing is common - it is not very easy to make an angry fellow see reason or act with logic.

Anger is part of everyone's make up - there are often valid reasons to get angry at people or situations. But it will become a problem when we allow it to get out of hand. Research shows that anger and hostility can increase people's chances of developing coronary heart disease, and lead to worse outcomes in people who already have heart disease. It can also allow for stress-related problems.

So, knowing how bad its effects can be, how easy is it to deal with? The only person who can help you deal with it is you. It starts from within. Whether the cause is an external event or an internal one, you do not have to allow it to get the better of you. The first and most basic step to do this is to check yourself. Try to identify signals that come just before you blow off. When you see them, step away and isolate yourself. Rather than trying to talk yourself down from a cliff, avoid climbing that cliff in the first place. If possible, employ relaxation techniques. Personally, I listen to music...and my go-to genre is country. That calming effect I get from listening to the strings or the horns, I am not sure I can get it from any other genre. I have also noticed how hard it is to maintain the intensity of my rage when I eat. The chewing helps to distract from the unpleasant individual or situation. So even if I'm not hungry, when anger lurks, I try to chomp on something.

This may sound like a cliché but it actually, really helps. And that is slow, deep, controlled breathing. When angry, especially when it becomes an outburst, the body is wired for shallow breathing and the senses usually tend to be on edge and extra reactive. What deep breathing does is to slow down your reaction and help you better respond if at all there is need for a response.

I have come to realize that many people are poor with communication. They cannot properly articulate what they have in mind. So many at times when they speak, the words may come out wrongly, and pass an entirely different message. It will help greatly if you can improve your own communication skills (especially your listening skills), so that you can listen and hear what someone is not saying when they are talking to you. Sometimes, what they have left unsaid is what they really mean to say. And when you are able to catch the idea behind their thoughts, it will help you understand them much better than you would have.

Finally, I know we live in a hostile environment; especially those of us in big and fast-paced cities (like this one called Lagos). It sometimes feels like the whole universe is out to get us. But know this: it is hard to make smart choices when you’re in the grips of a powerful negative emotion. When you’re angry, it is easy to feel like things are worse than they actually are. Remind yourself that the world is not out to get you. Change the way you think, and you will get a more balanced perspective.