Reciprocity of Respect

Respect is, not minding position, status or belief, one thing many people desire so much. Right from the growing up years, we have been actively yearning for it. That year you felt you were old enough to dress up by yourself, or when you thought you were old enough to have your own room, or that year you said you were old enough to start using breakable plates, or that you had outgrown washing of plates...that was you demanding, subtly, some form of respect.

In school, as you moved up in class, you wanted to ditch the pencil and pick up the pen. As you grew older, you knew who you wanted to play with and who you wanted to avoid. You didn't like it when teachers spoke to you "anyhow" and shouted at you because you were late. You just wanted some modicum of respect.

At work, maybe there is a colleague you have been tolerating...and you are within a hair's breadth of unleashing your frustration on the colleague. Or those ones that will never know the limits of their boundaries. Or this person who treats you like a kid and does not seem to want to acknowledge your status and position.

On Maslow's hierarchy of needs, very close to the pinnacle is the need for respect and recognition. For many people, this need is prevalent. Sometimes we are overwhelmed by it, other times we don't even realize it's there.

Every time you demand respect, take a second to ask yourself - how much of it are you giving out? Especially to those who look up to or report to you. Like my people will say "whatever pose you see in the picture was the pose you were holding when the camera shutter button was clicking" that means "as you pose for photographer, na so you go show for photo".

Like when you look into a mirror, whatever face you make is what the mirror throws back at you. This is exactly how it works with receiving respect - you have got to give it first. Lots of it. The much of it that you give is what you get in return. If Gbàdà, in the village, feels like having a taste of the city bread, he must first package cluster yams from the village and send them to Rájí in the city.

They say it is reciprocal and I have come to find it so. In my walk, I have seen people want it so bad, they bully subordinates to get it. I look at those people and wonder - how is it so difficult for you to see? Others will only accord you respect when they feel you respect them too. Like one of the greatest minds in physics, Isaac Newton, told us: "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction". The more respect you give, the more of it you get. The less respect you give, the less of it you get. It is that simple!

There isn't much that is needed when you take responsibility for how you treat people around you, because every other thing will easily fall into place. Acceptance of responsibility for the creation of a reciprocal relationship takes a high degree of emotional maturity, which takes awareness and intentionality in treating and relating with other people respectfully. When you treat people like they are beneath you, that kind of treatment finds a way to circle back to you.

There are varying degrees of interpretations of what respect means in the minds of different people. Some of those interpretations are inaccurate. Some people think it means respect when others tremble at the mention of your name or cower at the moment of your presence. What they are exhibiting, that you erroneously think is respect, is actually fear.

This is where my own note of warning comes in: do not mistake fear for respect. The difference between them is your status or position. People will FEAR you because of your position. People will RESPECT you regardless of your position. Know the difference.